The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You’re barely waking
And I’m tangled up in you…
There’s really no rhyme or reason to today’s song choice other than the fact that I love it so much. Today marks the end of Cerebral Palsy awareness month… and today may actually be tomorrow by the time I am writing this post, which is why everything in this photo is green. Green is the color of the Cerebral Palsy awareness ribbon, and Cerebral Palsy is the name of the ~thing that I have dealt with every day of my life. My case is considered mild in comparison to some others, but every case of cerebral palsy is different, and as we become adults, the resources available to us and how our issues affect us can become a gray area because still, to this day, not a lot of doctors study/treat Cerebral Palsy in adults. There’s lots of traveling involved most times if you want to find a good specialist. Someone who won’t look at you funny or simply refer you to a sports medicine clinic, or–worse yet–do some kind of ~corrective surgery that will only make things ten times worse. Many of us have been there. And the problem with CP is that how it manifests is literally different depending on which person with CP that you talk to. So, since I’ve spent today in bed dealing with some of the repercussions of mine today and thinking about what I was going to say in this post when I got to write it, I don’t care that it’s April 1st–I’m going to write it, anyway.
When I was a kid, I never noticed that I had limitations. I might have walked different than some of the other kids. I might have been a helluva lot slower than some of the other kids. I might have had days where I had to rest, or days where I was stuck in a damn chair because I couldn’t handle all the walking, or days where for whatever reason, the PE teacher went a little easier on me (I later found out that my mother was keeping up with things at school a lot better than I thought she was and knew I had a tendency to tell my teachers that I could do things that would often result in my injuring myself, so she had established a system of checks and balances with them to combat my own stubbornness). ANYWAY… When I was little, I never noticed my limitations. I played softball. I had a really mean arm. I couldn’t run worth a damn but if I tried my damnedest I wasn’t the slowest girl in my class OR on my softball team. I even did karate for a time. Then puberty hit, muscles started to tighten more, physical therapy actually started to work less. New pt techniques were introduced, but those often caused so much pain and discomfort that they required bribery, even when I knew they’d help on some level. Then there was more surgery. Problems in my hands seemed to have gone away, so everything was focused on my legs. High school was hell. No longer noticing my limitations was suddenly modified PE and “are you ~sure you want to try out for -that- sports team? You know that no college team would ever take you with your legs like that, right?”
I wouldn’t say that I stopped trying. I stopped playing softball. I started swimming instead. Now, I was never a scholarship level swimmer. It was more like I could sort of hold myself up long enough to get from one side of the pool to the other without drowning. But it was exercise. When you have CP, whether you can walk or not, everything you do is somehow made out to be some kind of ridiculous inspiration.
“She swam across the pool! *le gasp!* She has Cerebral Palsy, you say? Let’s all clap for her!”
“You have Cerebral Palsy and you walk your own dog? YOU INSPIRATION!”
Of course, there’s also this stigma surrounding people with Cerebral Palsy that we are mentally challenged… and while that is the case with some of us, most of us are perfectly fine upstairs (even those of us who are non-verbal) and can understand you perfectly well. Some of us are even “smarter than the average bear” so to speak. Turning people into stereotypes and inspiration porn is never cool. Making assumptions about people is never cool. Most of us are just trying to live our lives as close to normal as we possibly can, and we don’t need people throwing us a party every time we go to the mailbox, go out on a date, etc. It can get kind of embarrassing.
The only person I tolerate it from is my mother, and that’s because she has been there from the beginning. She’s been there for every fall, every seizure, every surgery, every recovery, every doctor’s appointment, and helped me celebrate every time I’ve gotten back up.
And that’s the thing about people with CP. We have our bad days, but we always find our way back up somehow. Today was a bad day. But that’s okay. Tomorrow will be better. We all have our limitations, and we all find our own way around those, right?
Even the best fall down sometimes.
I love that lyric.
It’s becoming a tattoo for my birthday this year.
[Head][Lelutka][Simone Mesh Head (v2.2)]
[Skin][Lumae][Yulia (T3 w/freckles)]
[Hands][Vista Animations][Bento ProHands Fem]
[Hair][enVOGUE Hairstyle Studio][Naomi (Light Reds)]
[Lips][Zibska][Plais Lips (#4)]
[Top][[Cynful] Clothing & Co. @ Collabor88][Bombshell Top]
[Pants][[Cynful] Clothing & Co. @ Collabor88][Bombshell Pants]
[Shoes][Slipper Originals][Kelsey Flats]
[Location][Take Heart Photosim]
[Inspiration Tune][Howie Day – Collide]