On Broken Wings, I’m Barely Flying

cynful casual blog final.png

 

“This place reminds me
I keep my eyes wide shut to hide
Denying you’re gone now
And I am down here all alone
Some said that time will heal me
I need to get to higher ground
But I don’t wanna feel it…
I… I… 
Let the pain come…”

At first, there was something therapeutic about the soft drumming of raindrops as they hit the roof, one after another, almost as steady as a heartbeat. At first. The sound wove itself together with the things around it, sometimes drowned out by the gentle hum of the radio, or by the sound of the waves lapping against the shore just outside the window. Yes. At first, there was something therapeutic about it. But then?

Then, the clouds would roll back just long enough for the sun to say its goodbyes and usher in the night, and the bed she used to share with him, empty on the left now, and the room that held it, and the house that held it… Everything would get swallowed whole by the darkness, and then there was no sound. No sound except of course for the frenzied beating of her heart. At night, everything melted away, leaving nothing but one-half of what used to be “them” curled against a pillow on the queen-sized bed, breathing in the scent of him that was slowly fading on the over-sized t-shirt she’d found stuffed in the back of the closet after she got the news.

At first, after it happened, the rain would soothe her. Any sound, really, that confirmed that she wasn’t alone was soothing. But soon, there was no comfort-only emptiness and a silence that was nearly deafening. She could hardly stand it. Most mornings, when the sun poked through the window to wake her, she’d find herself curled on the rug by the bed that used to be theirs, the pillow she’d clung to for dear life laying discarded on the floor. She’d lay there a moment, her eyes adjusting to the new light in the room, and breathe him in again, and for a moment, a small smile would cross her face. Then, and only then, could she pick herself up off of the floor, knowing not only that he wouldn’t be there to help her stand, but that she had to, regardless, because she knew what he might say if he could and she didn’t. She knew what he might say, and she couldn’t disappoint him. She couldn’t disappoint him because she loved him, and he had loved her.

She knew that one day, she would learn to stand the silence. One day, she’d wake up with her head still on the pillow, safe and warm in her own bed. One day, her heart wouldn’t break all over again when she saw “his” side undisturbed. One day, someone would come along, and he’d help her put all of the pieces back together, and she’d smile again…really smile again. And she knew, deep down, that she would be able to do those things, because even though he was gone, he had loved her, and he had taught her to love, and she would carry that lesson with her, she knew, until she could see him again and thank him properly for it.

[Shape][Mine]
[Skin][((=alterego=))][Dionne (Neutre)]
[Hands][Slink][AvEnhance Hands (Elegant)]
[Eyes]IKON][Sunrise Eyes (Azure Light)]
[Lashes][*Mon Cheri*][Falsies – Mesh Lashes]
[Hair][Magika][Bad Habit]
[Face][Madrid Solo][Hustle (Blush, Moles, Freckles)]
[Lips][Zibska][Plias Lips]
[Teeth][PXL][OpenMouth Pro Basic]
[T-Shirt][[Cynful] Clothing & Co][Casual Cut]
[Tattoo – Legs][[White~Widow]][Charade (Henna)]
[Pose][DeePosed][The Bed’s Too Big Without You 5]
[Inspiration Tune][Bill Kaulitz – Love Don’t Break Me]
[Location][La Vie]

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2 thoughts on “On Broken Wings, I’m Barely Flying

    • I have been in a serious funk and I like to write. I figure this is a way to keep my sponsors happy and get my feels out in an interesting way! Thank you for the compliment!

      Like

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