Do You Know How Hard I’ve Tried to Become What You Want Me to Be?

wicca boots genre.png

Take me
This is all that I’ve got
This is all that I’m not
All that I’ll ever be
I’ve got flaws, I’ve got faults
Keep searching for your perfect heart
It doesn’t matter who you are
We all have our scars

Well… It’s been an interesting couple of days to say the least. I feel like I start so many posts like this. I feel like I wish life was a little less interesting, even if for just a couple days. Something good happened. I got accepted to blog for [[Genre]], which is another one of those amazing blogging things that I get to cross off of my Second Life blogging bucket list. I think I may have found a new favorite pair of boots. I guess that’s a good thing, too. It’s just that after I got that coveted acceptance card, I got a phone call, and things really went down hill from there.

Friday night, my Father had a heart attack. Friday night, my Mother called me and asked me where I was, and if I was sitting down, and if someone was there with me, and then she told me that my Father had a heart attack.

Don’t worry. He’s going to be okay. He’ll be out of the hospital by Monday at the latest. The weird thing is, when my Mom told me that he’d had a heart attack, I wasn’t upset. Not for me, anyway. I don’t know if that makes sense, and I don’t want to make myself sound like a monster, but really, when she told me that he’d had a heart attack, I asked the customary, “Is he alright?” question, and I found myself not only fully prepared for it if he wasn’t, but already well past the ‘acceptance’ stage in the grief process.

I’m not a soulless monster. I promise. I’m just having trouble, as the oldest child of six, reconciling the fact that I have no relationship with this man I call Father. It was like hearing that a stranger had a heart attack. My Father has wanted nothing to do with me for well over a decade-and-a-half of my life. I’ve spent the last 24 hours on the phone playing therapist for my agoraphobic stepmother and my little brothers and sisters, listening to them talk about what a great man they think he is and smiling and nodding and telling them that they’ll be fine, that he’ll be fine, that the doctors said so, that they have nothing to worry about… And I don’t even know the man they’re talking about. It’s like it’s a completely different person.

And that makes me kind of sad.

But I digress. Let’s make a long story short and focus on the fashion, because sometimes Second Life is the only fun I have in either life, and this weekend is clearly one of those.

 

When I get upset like this, I find that keeping my hands busy helps me keep myself together, so I found myself looking through some of the previews from the upcoming [[Genre]] round, and I found these awesome boots from Wicca’s Wardrobe, and they made me smile, and I don’t think I’ve smiled since we got the news about my Dad. They’re absolutely gorgeous.

You may not read this Wicca, but sometimes such small things make a difference in someone’s day, and I don’t know how much I fangirled about these boots to Tivi when I saw them, how many different poses and props I tried out, how many different angles for the photo… It’s been a really bad couple days and here was this Wicca’s Wardrobe box from the upcoming round of [[Genre]], and inside were the fabulous purple (my favorite color!) boots, and all I want to do is prance around Second Life and show them off and take pictures and talk about their fabulousness.

Thank you, oh mighty awesome peeps behind [[Genre]] for giving me the chance to blog for you, and thank you Wicca for your continued epicness, and thank you everyone who actually reads these ramblings, because writing makes me feel better.

I love you all.

But enough about me. Y’all want the details, don’t you?

[Shape][Mine]
[Skin][((=alterego=))][Dionne (Neutre)]
[Hands][Slink][AvEnhance Hands (Elegant)]
[Eyes]IKON][Sunrise Eyes (Azure Light)]
[Lashes][*Mon Cheri*][Falsies – Mesh Lashes]
[Face][Madrid Solo][Hustle (Blush, Moles, Freckles)]
[Lips][Zibska][Billie Lips #5]
[Eyeshadow][Zibska][Arlie Eye Makeup #15]
[Tattoo][[White Widow]][Altar]
[Hair][::Exile::][Nina (Marone)]
[Bathing Suit][Blueberry][Michelle (White)]
[Boots][Wicca’s Wardrobe @ [[GENRE]] August Round][Fleur Boots (Purple and Black)]
[Inspiration Tune][Alison Iraheta – Scars]

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2 thoughts on “Do You Know How Hard I’ve Tried to Become What You Want Me to Be?

  1. *hugs Nova* I hope life will have better news for you soon. Some that make you happy, some that make you smile again and lift the stuff off your shoulders that kinda push them down ❤ Thank you so much for your kind and sweet words about the boots. If they put a smile on your face, that is more I ever would have imagined to do with those boots 😉 The picture is amazing, artistic, beautiful, stong and as well fragile.. a true work of an incredible artist ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Wicca! That means a lot. And I hope so, too. In the meantime, I just continue to look for these little things to make me smile and keep my head up, in RL or in SL.

      Like

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