I may cry, ruining my makeup
Wash away all the things you’ve taken
And I don’t care if I don’t look pretty
Big girls cry when their hearts are breaking
To say that it’s been an interesting week would be an…understatement if there ever was one. I have had a lot going on, and a lot to reflect on lately, and it’s led me to a few conclusions. I was included in the most recent issue of ECLIPSE, in their “Voices from the Grid” feature, where we were asked how SL has helped us to explore our sexuality. And I gave my answer. And it was short, and to the point… But I made a comment that I think part of the thing about SL is that we form such deep connections with the people behind the avatar. They may be hundreds or thousands of miles away from us, but somehow, they manage to sneak their way into our hearts, and sometimes we don’t even realize it.
And that can be great. It can be amazing. But it can also be devastating.
I’ve been devastated by someone in Second Life. Once when a three year relationship went up in smoke, and thanks to some very ugly lies, my reputation with it. Once, when someone who had known me for years told me that the only reason he wanted me was because he couldn’t have me when the above mentioned person did. And once, fairly recently, when I let my guard down after a year and really just put my “all” into a relationship. Long story short? It didn’t end well. I was called names I won’t dare repeat to the public, essentially told I was worthless, and told that he never wanted to see my face, much less speak to me again. That one, I think, hurt the most because of everything else I’d been through, and because he had me convinced that the things in my past didn’t matter, that he wasn’t like that, and that I was worth so much more than the wounds and insults I’d suffered in my past.
Live and learn, huh?
That’s what I mean. SL can break our hearts and make them swell. The difference is I really did learn from this last experience, but maybe not what you think. I learned that I am strong. I learned that even though he made me cry, his words and actions did not define me. I learned that I really am worth so much more than the wounds of my past…including the ones he inflicted. And right then, I made a decision that I wasn’t going to let those words weigh me down. Because I’m awesome, damn it.
Does that mean I didn’t cry about it?
No. Heck no. I’m not sure how many times I repetitively went over the whole issue with my friend. I even hid the dissolution of the relationship from another friend because she had introduced us, and because he had told me not to tell her “our” business. I suppose that was my last-ditch attempt at showing that I was certainly not the person he had painted me out to be. But I cried. And I talked. And I cried a bit more. And then I began to realize that I am not those things, and that I can’t let these few bad experiences outweigh all the positives. Because I’m awesome. I repeat myself a lot, and I’m emotional. I cry at sad songs, I giggle a lot. I mess up. I try new things. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I succeed. But you know what? That’s just even more reason to embrace the fact that I am absolutely fabulous.
I’ll probably get my heart broken again. It happens. But it won’t change me. SL has so many positive experiences… Those will always outweigh those few people on the grid who try to tarnish my shine.
But this is about fashion, right? Wanna know how I managed to look so fabulous?
Of course you do!
[Hands][Slink][AvEnhance Hands (Elegant)]
[Tattoo][[White Widow]][Altar – Black – Normal]
[Eyes]IKON][Sunrise Eyes (Azure Light)]
[Lashes][*Mon Cheri*][Falsies – Mesh Lashes]
[Face][Madrid Solo][Hustle (Blush, Moles, Freckles)]
[Lips][Madrid Solo][The Nudes II – Nude #4]
[Eye Makeup][Madrid Solo][Seductress – Soil Umber]
[Romper][Zibska @ The Secret Affair – July][Pallas Romper]
[Shoes][Slipper Originals @ ReVAMPED (opening 7.28)][Marisol V2]
[Arm Cuff][~Soedara~][Upper Arm Bracelet from “Venustas” outfit]
[Inspiration Tune][Sia – Big Girls Cry]